As I sat there in Paige’s car outside of ‘Dealership guys apartment building contemplating if I should stay or leave, this voice inside my head is telling me to stay. But the constant pinging from my phone is making me even more anxious all while this eerie feeling is lingering and rage slowly burning inside of me. I had Lisa texting me, asking if I had left yet and to hurry back for this client and that Paige will be fine. Simultaneously I get a text from Spencer saying, “We need to talk.” Oh fuck. We all know what that means.
It felt like the earth was spinning, my chest was tightening, I was sweating in places I didn’t know you could sweat and it felt like I was struggling to breath. Every inch of my body wanted to get the hell out of there but I also felt like I couldn’t. I was worried about Paige and to top it all off with a cherry on top, I had Spencer messaging me, most likely to break up with me. To be fair, I wouldn’t blame him for doing so. Being a criminalized sex worker in secret while dating someone pursuing a career in becoming a cop could have been one of the dumbest things I had ever done. And I’ve done a lot of stupid shit.
It felt like I was gonna throw up. That nagging feeling inside, it’s going to eat me alive. I kept thinking to myself, ‘If I leave and something happens to Paige, I’ll never be able to forgive myself. So I’ve decided, I’m not leaving. I am going to wait here for however long it takes…
That was until Paige texted me. Telling me to leave, she will get a cab back and to stop hovering like her mother. It was like she didn’t hear a word I said before she went inside. But okay then, I will stop “hovering.” And so I left and drove back to the condo.
Upon arriving back at the condo before getting inside, Lisa texts me with a harsh tone, “Your client canceled. You took too long. Very unprofessional, you better hope he doesn’t leave a bad review. Thanks for wasting my time. Have a nice night.”
I have no idea what she meant by unprofessional, considering I was paid to drive Paige to an outcall which requires you to stay until the call was over, so why would Lisa post me on backpage in the first place? It makes no sense. And why would she still send girls back to ‘Car dealership guy after what he did to me? Maybe she doesn’t believe me and just thinks I’m crazy. Whatever it was, I felt sick and like I had no one to talk to about it.
The Anti Hero
It wasn’t until years later when I decided to write this book and reach out to the PK girls who wanted to be involved in telling their stories that have crossed over into mine. I had come to learn that Jenny had seen ‘Dealership guy, just like me… but the worst thing was for her, she caught him filming her during their session. A hole was cut on the side of his nightstand with his phone inside the drawer. She took his phone to delete the video of herself and in the process of doing so, she came across multiple hidden videos of other sex workers…. Which meant there was most likely a video of me on there… Before my mind could spiral to all the worst places and I become the woman from the show ‘Furious, Jenny had said that she not only deleted hers, but she deleted all of them. That’s also hoping he didn’t make copies. Either way, Not all heroes wear capes, some wear stilettos to.
Once I got back up to the condo to grab my things and go home. The first thing I did when I got into the door was run to the bathroom to vomit. Outside the door was Bella, asking if I was doing alright. In that moment, it was just Bella and I and that’s when I broke down crying in her arms on the floor in the bathroom. It was like when we first met, but this time was heavier. I told her everything. From the lies I’ve told, to Spencer texting me, right down to Car Dealership guy. By the end of it all, Bella was crying with me.
Bella once again, picked my ass off the floor and brought me to the kitchen. This time she poured me a glass of red wine so we could sit and talk. She messaged Lisa to clock out and we spent the rest of the night talking until we saw the sun come up.
