I have a secret

I want to reveal

But I’m Scared

you may love me less

once you know

growing up

I was put on a pedestal

you are going to do

great things with your life

you won’t end up

like your birth mother

as long as

you don’t get pregnant

don’t smoke or do drugs

don’t drink

don’t stay out late

you must be a lady

cross your legs

hair done nice

shaved legs

wear pretty dresses

that are not too short

and remember

ladies never curse

wore a uniform to school

a ring to show purity

went to Church on Sunday’s  

sang in a choir on Monday’s

growing up

my life was good

better than

it would have been with her

But I always longed for a better story

for a moment

I enjoyed having a secret

something that’s mine

that no one else could hold

until my two worlds

began to collide

and all the lies

i spoke

to keep my secret

everything around me

came tumbling down

what now

where do I go from here

how do i come back from this

I have a secret

I must reveal

and you might love me less

I need to be free

from the secrets i’ve held from the world

so here i am

I was a caregiver by day

and a lady of the night

I’ve fulfilled some of the most

deepest, darkest fantasies

and it empowered me

to be able to

put a roof over my head

food in my tummy

to pay my way through school

so I could have a better future for myself

love me less

or love me for me

I no longer

hold this secret

its no longer mine

I’m finally free