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Innocence

  • Chapter 10: The curse of Pink Kitty

    December 28th, 2025
    During my time at Pink Kitty, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's possible I've romanticized my time with PK in past writings so I want to shine a light on the darker sides. Give some nuance on what it was like working for Jason and Lisa. 

    I joined PK in Aug. 2013 and stayed on & off till the very end...
    I had just moved from my hometown to Ottawa for college, I was eighteen then. Jason was still incharge at the time but grooming Lisa to take over PK for when he leaves and Damien was the driver. Back then, I did not know about the cop, Sgt. Rohan Beebakhee, was involved with the agency. Everyone was hush hush on the topic.

    Who was Jason? A handsome voice behind the phone, pulling the strings and holding all the cards. I was fresh young meat to Jason and he made sure his money maker (me) wasn't going anywhere. Publicly Jason talked highly about me and would book clients for me back to back to the point I didn't get much of a break from working. Most thought I was spared from his wrath and entitlement but behind the curtain, I was not. I have never met Jason in person nor have I seen what he looks like, but I'm sure I'd remember his voice because it's burned into my brain like a branded scar to show ownership.

    I was naive and easily manipulated...blackmailed into not leaving. Jason knew where I was going to college, he knew where I lived and had my original back page nude photos with my face... I could see the headline then, "Student expelled from college for soliciting sex to men for money!" Jason always got what he wanted and I wasn't going anywhere until I was no longer the fresh meat.

    Days I would have off or be in class, Jason would call and text me needing me to come in to the condo. Jason would try to sweet talk me into ditching class and if I tried to say no he would find a way to manipulate me in doing so. Whether it was with holding clients from seeing me or threatening to expose me, as long as I was making money he was happy and making money. At that point, I was working more than I was attending class and was just the beginning to my downfall.

    Even though, Jason wasn't at Pink Kitty for very long when I joined, he still made a lasting traumatic effect on me. At first it was a relief when he left and Lisa took over, until it wasn't.

    To Be Continued.

  • Not everything is Black & White

    November 17th, 2025
    There is a world inside me
    made of chaos and dreams
    the love I give is deeper
    than the Marianas Trench
    when I feel pain
    it can shake mountains

    I feel everything
    too much, they say
    too loud, too sharp, too fragile
    too...something
    Always too.

    Society prefers its storms
    to be predictable
    as they whisper my diagnosis
    like a warning label
    my humanity gets buried
    beneath the stereotypes
    the villain,
    the burden,
    the broken thing wandering through
    the wrong story

    What they don't see
    are the stitches I tug tight
    over old wounds
    the way I map out my triggers
    like a cartographer tracing fault lines
    learning where I break
    so I can learn where I can rebuild

    They don't see how growth feels
    like climbing Mount Everest
    wearing shoes made of glass
    how healing is a language
    I've had to invent
    with nothing but trembling hands
    and a heart that refuses to give up

    I am not my storms
    though I weather them
    I am not my past
    though it echos in me
    I am a strong woman
    learning and stumbling along the way
    with hope that keeps showing up
    eve when I don't ask it to

    So let them misunderstand
    let them name me with their fear
    while I continue to grow from everything
    they thought would break me

    - Living with Borderline

  • When in doubt

    November 15th, 2025
    I ask my inner voice
    "What if I upset people with my writing?"
    Inner voice responds
    "Sometimes people's feelings need to get hurt."

    - A reminder to myself
  • Chapter 9: What Happens in Vegas

    November 15th, 2025
    Back when I started working at Pink Kitty I had been there for about a month.  One night I had about ten clients in one day so you could imagine how tired and sore I was. However, I was feeling celebratory, adventurous, promiscuous! I was in a new city, I didn't really know anyone and I just made more money than I had in my entire life.. at eighteen! In Ontario, you have to be nineteen to drink and eighteen in Hull, Quebec. 

    As I was walking to the bus stop to go to the clubs in Hull I ran into a group of groomsman looking to show the groom a good time. They looked to be in they're early thirties, all wearing blue jeans and black t-shirts with a printed white tie on the front to resemble them "wearing a tie". At the same time this tall, blonde woman wearing a short, tight fitting sparkly pink dress in 9'inch heals happened to be walking by to the bus stop at the same time. The groomsman skipped over to the blonde woman who I'll call Sarah and I to invite us back to they're hotel for a party. Turns out, Sarah had just finished work at the strip club downtown and her blonde hair is a wig to help hide her identity. Before I could even say anything, Sarah responded by saying $250 an hour each and began to list off some restrictions & boundaries. Sarah looked over at me and asked if I was good with that. I just innocently smiled and nodded. How did she know? Is she a witch? Who cares! I was down for the ride. There were five groomsman including the groom and with excitement the groom hailed us a cab to take us to the hotel.

    How it Started
    As everyone got out of the cab to head to the elevators in the hotel lobby, I felt like moop (matter out of place) standing next to Sarah in my boots and floral dress. My hair was straightened and pinned back with a headband like I was a Blair Waldorf wannabe. Thankgod, I had matching bra and panties underneath. Once we got into the hotel room Sarah took control, kind of like Bella would. The best man, Luke, gave Sarah the cash for both of us upfront for the first 3 hours. She hands me my cut and sets an alarm. Mind you it was 12:30am on a Monday. But hey! I was eighteen who made some questionable choices and this was a mild decision if you ask me, considering this was just the beginning. The groom, Chase, started the music and poured everyone a shot of tequila. Raising our shot glasses, Luke shouts, "Let the real debauchery begin!" We all cheers and got the party started.

    With the music playing and the tequila flowing everyone was having a good time. In the back of my mind I was feeling guilty that I was escorting behind Lisa & Jason's back. Like I had some kind of loyalty to them and for some reason I thought I'd still have to pay out to them even though this didn't happen at the condo. When Sarah came over to the counter to refill her drink and take a few shots of tequila, I asked her to pour me one and wondered if I should ask what she thinks. This woman had a way with reading people and knowing what they want or needed before even saying anything. She comes over to me and hands me a shot of tequila. After we cheersed and had our shots, Sarah looks over at me and says, "you know, I've been in this game for a really long time. I can tell you're new to this and I can also tell something is on your mind. Tell me what's going on so we can let loose, make some money and have a good time." How did she know? Why does my face give everything away? UGH. So I shyly asked her and she said, "you don't say anything to them, it's none of their business and what we do here tonight stays here. Like Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!"

    After playing strip poker, Sarah took the lead by grabbing a chair and placing it in the middle of the room. There was a small kitchen, spacious living room area with a love seat, chairs and a pull out bed and a seperate bedroom. Sarah takes over the music, Grabs Chase and seats him where everyone can watch while she gives him a sultry lap dance. Luke and the second groomsmen, Derek, were hound dogging like they were fraternity brothers going out for the first time. Throwing five and ten dollar bills around them. The other two Blake and Jordan were more like wallflowers. They were both already married with families but wanted to partake in some of the fun.

    After a few songs had played, Sarah began to pick up the money the guys had tossed around like they we're at a strip club. She probably picked up a couple hundred dollars off the floor. I was in awe of her and they way she used her sexuality and good looks to bring the men to her knees. They were happy to pay or do whatever she wanted. That's powerful!

    More tequila shots and mixed drinks later, Luke and Derek were really feeling Sarah and she was seeing dollar signs. With an hour or so left on the clock before Sarah's alarm would go off. While pulling out another five hundred dollars, Luke insisted he and Sarah go into the other room to get their "freak on", and yes he said that. Derek overheard the conversation and wanted to get his dick wet as well. "Hey man, think you could cover me tonight so I can join in on the action and no one has to know?" Derek said. Without hesitation, Luke pulls out another five hundred dollars, says "I got you man and this stays between us." He then asked Sarah, "would this be enough?" Sarah takes the money, puts it in her pink clutch that also had lube and condoms inside. She then takes the guys into the room and Luke throws his wallet over to Chase and says, "Get freaky boys, tonight is on me!" I blushed as Chase looked over at me.

    While Sarah was in the room having a threesome with Luke and Derek, I was in the living room with Chase, Blake and Jordan. By that time, Jordan was passed out drunk on the kitchen floor and Blake was feeling tired but also eager to call his wife and say goodnight. Blake grabs another drink and slips out onto the balcony to make his phone call. He stayed up talking to his wife, sitting on the balcony till sunrise.
    And then there were two.

    Chase and I sat on the loveseat and talked for a bit while we could overhear moaning from the bedroom. Chase asked a lot of questions like, Why am I doing this? WOW! You're only eighteen?! How many guys have I slept with? It was like I was being interviewed at first. Though Chase couldn't keep his hands off my thighs and every now and then he would say, "God you're so hot, I can't believe you're only eighteen. You're so young, I just want to fuck you," while grabbing my thighs tighter. I started to pull away and asked, "aren't you getting married soon?" Chase with his frat boy smile, laughed and said, "come on Kendra, it's my bachelor party! Nobody here is going to say anything. You're here to show me a good time."

    In that moment, it was like something ignited in me. Chase pulled me closer to him, started to kiss my neck and began to pull out hundred dollar bills from Lukes wallet. "How much is it going to take to get you onto my dick?" He says to me, while holding up seven hundred dollars. He continues to kiss my neck and my chest. Pulling out another two hundred dollars. The moaning in the background began to get louder than the music. I couldn't help it that I was getting turned on. As soon as I took the money from Chase's hand and put it into my clutch, he pulled me on top of him and started grinding his boner into me. While he was kissing my chest everywhere, he unclipped my bra and took it off from under my dress. Pulling the top of my dress down exposing my boobs and cuffing them in his hands. "You have the most perfect titts I have ever seen", he says to me then begins to lick and suck my nipples. Between the moaning coming from the bedroom and Chase thrusting his boner into me, I could feel my panties getting wet. I tore his shirt off only to find how ripped he was. Dark brown hair, blue eyes and a six pack in his thirties? I'm in trouble. We were dry humping like teenagers. As I was going to unbuckle his pants, I could hear Sarah's alarm go off.

    Sarah, Luke and Derek come out of the room while still putting their clothes on and fix their sex hair. Without even saying anything, Chase lifts me up and takes me to the room. Sarah shouts, "I'll wait for you till you're done!"
    Chase then tosses me onto my back on the bed, closes the door and stars to takes his pants off. I grabbed a condom from my purse and handed it to him. While he put the condom on, I took my dress off leaving me in just my underwear. Chase lays on top of me, kissing my breasts, running is hands all over my body then rips my panties off. He wrapped my legs around his waist, picked me up by my hips, slid his cock inside me and began to fuck me rough standing up. Chase fucked me all over the room and in every position possible. He even paid me extra to cum in my mouth, my titts and on my back. By the time we were done fucking, it was six in the morning.

    Once Chase and I came out of the room, everyone except for Luke and Sarah, were asleep. Sarah and I began to gather our things to get ready to leave. Chase and Luke thanked us for the good time as they walked us out the door.
    As soon as we got into the elevator, I immediately opened my purse to see the wads of cash I had just made that night and it was all mine. No payouts. No room fee. No driver's fee. It was all mine. For a moment, it felt surreal. I felt a bit guilty for sleeping with a man who was about to get married but the money I held in my hand left me feeling more proud of myself. The guilt slowly faded and I knew after that night, I could take care of myself.
  • Future ME

    November 2nd, 2025
    Daily writing prompt
    What will your life be like in three years?
    View all responses
    In three years I hope I've made some of my dreams come true; like becoming a published author, hosting events and continue helping combat sex trafficking & advocate for victims and survivors. I feel by then I'll be in a place to give others a voice who don't have one or too scared. I hope I'll be able to provide a safe space for those in the sex industry and share my experiences in hopes others won't feel so alone.  

  • Mouth taped shut

    November 2nd, 2025
    There are many things
    I feel I can't say
    in the fear
    I will push you away

    knowing the pain
    we have been through
    I still hold back
    cause I feel for you

    tell me I'm wrong
    and you're just scared
    cause what you feel
    is really there
  • Haiku

    October 17th, 2025
    I have a happy personality
    with a heavy soul
    sometimes
    it gets weird

  • To my dearest Bella

    October 17th, 2025

    You were thunder in red bottom high heels
    long black hair like midnight silk
    a heart stitched with gold and grit
    spilling over with love
    even when your body ached

    Latina spice with designer dreams
    you made the world your runway
    a mother, a muse
    with two bright sons and a gentle man
    who held your hand through the storm

    We met where the shadows dance
    and stories stay locked in whispers

    You took me under your wing
    like you’d been born to fly
    and teach others how to soar too

    you were the light
    guiding me through the dark
    No one will ever know

    what was hidden underneath it all
    but I carry it like a secret flame

    a force to be reckoned with
    To know you was to ache
    to crave more of you

    like getting a taste of a forbidden fruit
    to be forever marked
    by the depth of your spirit.

    Even sick, you burned brighter
    than most do in their healthiest hour.

    And today on this special day
    we celebrate the miracle of your existence
    the legacy of your love
    the fire you left behind
    that still warms our broken hearts.

    Happy birthday, Linda
    You were one of a kind
    And I’ll never stop loving you
    for all the lives you lived

  • Silver Lining

    May 27th, 2025

    Your current situation

    is giving you an opportunity

    to re-evaluate what you really want.

  • Alone in the night

    May 27th, 2025

    long walks in the dark

    along these lonely streets

    wondering

    what the universe has planned for me

    if only I could see that one day

    my mind will be stress free

    I’m on the run

    to find

    where I belong

    with no where to go

    or a place to call home

    they say the ground can be cold

    with endless nights

    and no one to hold

    if god only knew

    I’m not that strong

    I can only hold on for so long

    I once had it all

    till the devil got jealous

    took me by the hand and said

    we can be friends

    where do I go from here

    I’ve hit rock bottom

    looking through a bottle

    I’m stuck at a dead end

    wishing someone could save me

    but what if there’s nothing

    left to save

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